Have you noticed this?
You send a message to a friend and don’t hear back. Immediately your mind jumps in:
“Did I say something wrong? Are they upset with me? Are they ignoring me on purpose?”
Or you get a vague message from your manager:
“Let’s touch base tomorrow.”
Suddenly you’re imagining the worst: “Am I in trouble? Did I mess up that project?”
Why This Happens
Our brains struggle with uncertainty. For our ancestors, not knowing could be dangerous. While uncertainty rarely threatens our survival today, the nervous system still reacts as if it does. It wants clarity—and it wants it fast.
This is why your brain will often choose any explanation, even an inaccurate one, rather than sit in the discomfort of the unknown.
Therapists call this intolerance of uncertainty. When there’s a gap in information, the mind fills it in with a story shaped by your mood, past experiences, and level of stress. When you’re overwhelmed or anxious, those stories tend to be dramatic. When you’re calm, uncertainty often feels more manageable.
To interrupt the cycle, try this technique:
1. Name the facts:
“I sent a message and haven’t heard back. That’s it”.
2. Notice your story:
“I’m imagining they’re angry at me”.
3. Bring awareness:
“I’m assuming something negative without real information”.
4. Offer alternatives:
“Maybe they’re busy, travelling, or haven’t checked their phones yet”.
5. Return to reality:
“The only confirmed fact is that they haven’t responded yet”.
A Simple Reality Check
Ask yourself:
“What’s the simplest or most straightforward explanation here?”
Because, most of the time, it’s far less dramatic than the one your mind created.
Take a breath. Stick to the facts. Let the story wait until more information arrives.
If you’d like support managing anxious thoughts or overthinking, I’m here to support you
Annika Schaefer
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